TGI Friday

I had the honor of having Brene Brown as one of my professors in grad school. This blog prompt is hers and I  love it!  

TGI Friday is back on the Blog! Trying to be more consistent about posting and I love this prompt on Fridays. I looked around for another and tried (in vain) to come up with another one, but I just love this one.

It has been a busy summer, I'm sad to say there hasn't been much down time for any of us and it doesn't look like that is going to change any time soon. It is a big summer for our family as we prepare to send off The Boy Child to a college nine hours away. I'm terrified but...

I'm trusting in the love, guidance and parenting he has received and that he will excel at Texas Tech. Wreck 'em Tech!!

I'm grateful for my yoga and ballet teachers who gently meet me where I am and encourage me to go just a little further every class!

I'm inspired by my fellow Instagram runners! We got this!

Please share your own TGI Friday!

It Takes A Lot of Courage

that deep longing to be seen as I am and accepted for it. I was reminded just how much courage it takes to show ourselves, uncertain as we always are of how we will be received. -Marianne Elliot

I love yoga, having  practiced at home off and on for years. It makes me feel strong and centered, and is  a good juxtaposition to the running I also love. While my body craves the relentless forward momentum (just keep swimming) of running, it also craves the stillness of being on the mat.

I finally found a wonderful teacher and small class where I can get out of my house and get some much needed personal instruction. I was lifted up  after the first class when the instructor told me that she could tell I have done yoga before. Especially heartening since 98% of my practice has been on my own.

Yesterday however, I found myself nearly in tears on the mat. While the other ladies in the class were going from tree pose, to lotus, to toe stand, my little tree was whipping around like it was caught in a hurricane.  I was a little frustrated but took a deep breath and told myself that frustration was not going to make my tree any more secure and tried again. I tried to get to lotus and fell over. The teacher remarked, "where you were in tree was perfect for you" (while everyone else was in toe stand, mind you.) She came over to me and started to talk me through tree again. This is where I nearly welled up. I felt like a big old dunce cap had been placed on  my head. I wanted to leave and could actually feel my body shutting down, could almost hear all my armor slamming shut against my chest. I told her, "no, it is ok. I don't want to hold the class back. If they are ready to move on that's fine," I kept apologizing. "Welcome to remedial yoga, I'm sorry, we can move on."

"They're fine, I 'm working with you now."

Another deep breath to let it all go and back into tree pose. I reminded myself that two weeks ago my little tree still had to be rooted with my toes and that today my leg was up on my thigh.  The instructor gently guided me through tree in reverse prayer, which I got and was able to hold for five breaths.  Then we moved on to crow and I promptly fell on my head, but without all the negative trash talk going on IN my head.

I obsessed about the class the rest of the day. Do I quit? Do I talk to the teacher? Do I stuff my feelings and possibly begin to dread yoga class? It wasn't until I read the above quote later that afternoon that I realized I did exactly what I was supposed to do. I let everyone see me, vulnerable and wobbly, unsure how I was going to be received: This is exactly where I AM! Would they laugh, become resentful? I didn't realize how brave that had been. Instead of being shamed and shutting done, I was brave and I'm proud of that.

So you go you little wobbly, but brave tree, fly your vulnerable yet brave flag high!


To learn more about Marianne, courage, and yoga, please visit http://marianne-elliott.com/

Meditation with Maddie

Maddie says, "om shanti."

I've learned a lot about meditation from my mini dachshund,  Maddie. Ten pounds of pure badness in the disguise of the sweetest dog you have ever seen, she just doesn't care about much. This includes my early morning meditation time, which unfortunately directly coincides with Maddie's squirrel hunting time.

It never fails that once I get into my meditation pose and put in my ear phones, she releases whatever squirrel she is terrorizing at the time and jumps on my lap to hang with me until I'm done, if she doesn't get done first that is! At which point  she uses my lotus position as a launching pad and the squirrels are on their own.

 I've learned that I don't have to stop what I'm doing to attend to her every whim and that I can always go back to the breath when she disrupts my zen. Things I try to remember out in the world.

Kids

A few weeks ago my favorite 'hell-hath-no-fury-like-a-woman-scorned-housewife' Brandi Glanville called her youngest son an "asshole" on her podcast. I have to admit I love me some Brandi, she is one of my guilty pleasure.  She is gorgeous, smart, funny, and is the epitome of making lemonade (vodka flavored) out of lemons. Now, I can't speak to the incident on her podcast. I didn't hear it myself but, I'm not sure calling your child an asshole in ANY context is ok. I would never do it, especially on a public podcast. These boys of Brandi's have enough crap to deal with without being called names on top of it. In my opinion there are assholes in this whole dysfunctional family, and it isn't the kids. I'm looking at you Ms. Wrecker Service.  If it were me, I'd be using that word...and many others....all over the place. Which, to be fair, Brandi has done her share of. Hell hath no fury and all that.

While I may never call my kids assholes, last week I began to wonder why we let them get away with things that if a college roommate, not to mention a husband, did would unleash a Kraken that would leave them quivering on their beer keg or barcalounger.

Case in point. Last week was dance camp. Which means getting my grumpy, so not a morning person, Tiny Dancer,  up, looking presentable, fed and to the studio by 9:30 in the morning. Never mind that she signed up for this, and in fact BEGGED to do this. Not to mention I'm scheduled for two 12 hour shifts this week and I'm trying to fit in workouts so that I can fit into my bathing suit for a Vegas trip in three weeks. Oh, and NOW she tells me that she wants to get there early so that she and the other assistant can work on the dance they are making up. Sure, cause Mama ain't got nothing but time.

The mad rush ensues and we are out the door loaded with dance shoes and my gym bag, EARLY per Tiny Dancer's request.

Several hours later I return home and what do I see on the breakfast bar? Why, Tiny Dancer's half eaten breakfast, of course. On the kitchen counter is the greasy plate the boy child nuked his bacon on with the paper towels glued to the plate. Nice. They can't even clear their plates and rinse them off??? I wanted to go on strike right then and there and began to wonder if my not working full time had actually done a disservice to my kids.  Being at home most of time meant I was there to pick up the slack, but did it mean that my kids never learned to pick up their own slack known as the freaking dishes? Apparently.

Just as I was going to head to job websites to find a full time job and thereby teach my kids a lesson: Let's see how they like it when Mama isn't around to clean up after them! This happened:

"WHO HAD EGGS FOR BREAKFAST AND LEFT THE PLATE JUST SITTING THERE WITH EGG YOLK NOW CONGEALED TO THE PLATE?!!!"

Give you one guess.
Yup.
Asshole.

Recital and My Tiny Dancer

This weekend was Tiny Dancer's first recital with her new studio. It was held at the Wortham Center in downtown Houston. It is right next door to where the Houston Ballet is preforming Swan Lake. I mean RIGHT next door. We were able to peek in at their stage and see one of the props. Zoe even saw some of the dancers and talked to one of them. She was so excited she was jumping up and down.

The one thing I learned this weekend is that I want a camera! I took pics with my Iphone, but they would be so much better with a real camera. I looked around at Best Buy. I'm in as soon as a decide which one I want.

My Tiny Dancer in all her glory! Dance to your destiny, Zoe!




 



 Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand
And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand...
Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
You had a busy day today

 







On the Disabled List

My calf is STILL jacked. I'm pissed because number one, the first time I ever did that video I thought, "that is a calf injury waiting to happen!" And number two, I've wondered exactly how many people get through these workouts without doing serious bodily injury to themselves. My guess would be about .00001%. I'm sure they hurt themselves for the same reason I did : they don't listen to themselves when that little voice says, "you're an idiot and are going to totally jack yourself up!"  

I'm not disparaging T25 or ShaunT at all. He constantly reminds you to go at your own pace, listen to your body and modify, modify, modify. I should have modified, I didn't, I got hurt. My bad.  Was it worth it? No, which brings me to my next point. Why do we feel the need to kill ourselves with our workouts? Yes, if it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you, but why does challenge equal, "if your not killing yourself and doing things that you KNOW are potentially injury inducing then you are not really working." 

I've probably lost three pounds and three inches in five weeks. That is pretty damn good considering: I'm freakishly short and even five pounds can look like a big change, I only have 10, maybe 15, pounds to lose, I'm old as heck and my metabolism has basically just stopped, and there was a trip to Vegas and my son's graduation party thrown in there. I actually lost and gained two pounds about a dozen times, so I'm counting it as a 12 weight loss. Ah, if only it worked that way.  

I KNOW working out consistently  was a big factor in the weight loss, but I was working out before I began the program doing running and barre classes. This time I also started tracking my calories and was floored at how much I was consuming, so I'm wondering how much of it is finally getting my calorie intake under control. 

As I lie here on my couch deeply engrossed in Lifetime movies, with my calf elevated and icing, giving myself an ulcer from all the Motrin I've chewed, I'm at a loss as to where to go next.  Do I go back to ShaunT and modify, or do what I love (running, barre & yoga) and  see how it goes? For this week I'm hitting the gym and the elliptical and giving my calf a rest after that who knows. I hate this. 

Race Recap!

I race the Sprint for Life 5K with my mom every year. it is a wonder tradition and celebration of her overcoming ovarian cancer.

This year was a beautiful day for a race. It was cool and bright and I felt great the entire time: fearless, roaring and brave!

 

ll you stood there with me in the doorway
My hands shake
I'm not usually this way but
You pull me in and I'm a little more brave
It's the first kiss,
It's flawless,
Really something,
It's fearless

 

 

 

 

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar

 

 

 

Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave