Three Weeks and a Cardiologist

Some of you might not know that about four years ago I was diagnosed with an aortic aneurysm and underwent open heart surgery to repair my aorta and replace my aortic valve. It was a total fluke that it was even found.  I never had any symptoms and I was back running 8 weeks later, but it was a scary time.

Today I went to my nutritionist appt and found that I have lost seven pounds! The thing is, my first thought wasn't about my bridesmaid dress, but rather how happy my cardiologist is going to be about my weight loss when I see him for my yearly appt on Friday!

Slow the student is. Eventually lesson learned will be.

I Don't Want to Miss a Thing: For My Sis

I don't want to miss one smile
I don't want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time Yeah yeah yeah

I don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you babe
And I don't want to miss a thing

What am I missing? I sat down to write a blog about how it is three weeks and six days from my sister's wedding and how I'm nowhere near my goal even though I have been working out like mad. I feel like a slug and don't even want to go shopping for my dress because I just know I'm never going to find one to fit, and I'm going to look disgusting, and I might as well go eat worms because nobody even likes me...

and then I began to wonder: If I'm so busy stressing out over how I look, how my dress fits, everyone thinking I'm a cow, how am I going to be present for my sister? I'm going to end up missing how beautiful she looks coming down the asile, the look on her fiance's face as he sees her for the first time, the joy...the love.

I thought that if I didn't look perfect on her day, I would be letting my sister down. But I've realized that there are other, more hurtful ways I can let her down on her big day. Missing it would be the biggest and most hurtful. So, I promise you, my beautiful baby sister. I will be there. I don't want to miss a thing!

The Road Not Taken: The Cake Not Eaten

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 
-Robert Frost

In other words, I didn't eat the cake, and "somewhere ages and ages hence" it will make all the difference in how I feel and look.

Get Me to the Church on Time: Or at Least in a Dress That Zips Up!

I gotta be there in the mornin'
Spruced up and lookin' in me prime.
Girls, come and kiss me;
Show how you'll miss me.
But get me to the church on time!

Guess Today ISN'T a rest day!

Neither One of Us Wants to be the First to Say Goodbye...

It's sad to think we're not gonna be here
And it's gotten to the point
Where we just can't fake it
For some ungodly reason
We just won't let it be
I guess neither one of us
Neither one of us wants to be the first to say good-bye
I keep wondering
Wondering
What I'm gonna do without you
And I guess you must be wondering the same thing too
So we go on
Go on together
Living a lie
Because I guess neither one of us
Neither one of us wants to be the first to say good-bye

Ok I am back. I did really, really well up until my trip to Vegas...heck, I even did well IN Vegas! I did my 6am bootcamp before I flew out. I ran The Strip one morning and hit the gym another. I ordered egg white veggie omelets and split entrees and ordered appetizers. In the interest of full disclosure, I am sure I MORE than made up for the calories I saved by drinking  mojitos by the pool, wine, and chocolate martinis, but I did come back from Vegas the same weight as when I left! And then I came home and couldn't seem to get back on the bandwagon. Both of my bootcamp classes had ended, so there went four workouts a week! Instead of finding something else, or working out on my own (I DO have a membership to gym after all!) I did next to nothing.

It is easy to let the world know blog when things are going well, not so much when you are sitting on your fat ass shoving donuts in your mouth six weeks before your sister's wedding, so I stayed away feeling like a failure and sitting on my hands so I wouldn't call my sis and tell  her I couldn't be in her wedding.

Last week was the six week mark...do-or-die-crunch-now-or-never-time! I dug out my Slim in 6 DVDs. These are  series of three DVDs where a very perky, and svelte looking Debbie Siebers promises to slim you and your fat ass down in 6 weeks. Challenge accepted.

Last week I did one day of the first DVD, Start it Up!...and crushed it...then went to the second, Ramp it Up! for a week, even taking it with me for a quick trip to Corpus last weekend and doing it in my mom's guest room while I made my family wait for me to finish: "don't bother Mommy, she's got a bridesmaid dress to zip up in six weeks!!" 

I've moved on to  third DVD, Burn it Up! and suddenly Ms. Siebers isn't so cute and friendly anymore! Damn! But she looks hot, so I keep working out hoping I can absorb some of her hotness through osmosis and wondering how much she would charge for me to get her to be my body double at sis's wedding...

And then the coolest thing happened. I posted on twitter that I was doing the workouts and guess what...Debbie herself tweeted me back! She has responded to several of my tweets with tons of encouragement! How cool is that? The fact that I've lost three pounds this week is pretty cool too.

So I guess that neither my workouts/desire to get into shape nor I want to be the first to say goodbye. And neither does Debbie Siebers. (although I'd still let her be my body double!)

Forget the World

Forever can never be long enough for me
To feel like I've had long enough with you
Forget the world now we won't let them see
But there's one thing left to do

Now that the weight has lifted
Love has surely shifted my way
Marry Me
Today and every day
Marry Me



One of the great joys of my life is running the Las Vegas Strip early in the morning. No humidity, lots of other runners, perfect desert morning. Up until about a month ago, I believed I was never going to do this again. Yesterday morning, I proved myself wrong and forgot the world.

Always and Forever

Always and forever  
Each moment with you
Is just like a dream to me
That somehow came true, yeah

And I know tomorrow
Will still be the same
'Cause we got a life of love
That won't ever change

Still going strong! Yesterday I was feeling run down. My knees hurt and I was tired, but I knew I still needed to work out. I decided to just go for a walk and get my heart pumping a burn some calories. I ended up running for 30 min. There is something about running that keeps me from never giving up on it, and keeps me from giving up on myself.

Let's Stay Together! Yes, I'm Still Here

Let's, let's stay together
Lovin' you whether, whether
Times are good or bad, happy or sad

I know it has been a week since I have posted, but NO, I have not given up. I'm still here, "whether times are good.."  and all that...

I've had good days, and I have had better days, but I have settled in to a nice routine:

Monday: Boot camp class at 6:00 AM! Sucks so hard core it isn't even funny. I whine to my trainer about how early it is: "It's soooo early!!" Big yawn just to drive home the fact.
"Yes, it is early" my trainer deadpans. "Now throw the medicine ball" Groan....

Tuesday: Run day. Just so thankful I can run again. I really didn't think it was going to be possible. also my barren class, which I credit for getting me to run again. Thanks so much to Stephanie and the girls (10-12 year olds) who welcomed me into their pre-pointe class this summer and didn't laugh at the old lady. Well not so I could hear anyway!

Wednesday: Ms T's torture class with the rest of my bridesmaids! I whine (which seems to be a thing with me) but when I'm done I'm like, "yeah that's RIGHT! I CRUSHED it!!!"

Thursday: Run day

Friday: 6:00am bootcamp class.

Sat/Sun: Run or rest day.

Oh and yeah, I dropped 6.2lbs since 7/11/12. 16 more to go. That's doable, right?

Day 8: Praying for the End of Time....But I'm Bulletproof

I feel very conflicted about Burpees

So I'm praying for the end of time
to hurry up and arrive
cause if I have to spend another minute with you
I don't think that I would really survive.
I'd never break my promise or forget my vow, but God only knows what I could do right now
So I'm praying for end time so I can end my time with you.

AND

I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium

I want to feel like Titanium as I do (attempt to do...poorly) Burpees, but really I just pray for them to be over.

MBMBC Day 7: All That's Left

Since you've been gone all that's left is a band of gold
All that's left of the dreams I hold
Is a band of gold and the dream of what love could be
If you were still here with me

Frustrated, angry and craving a cheeseburger!  I found a dress on Nordstrom that my sis and I both loved. Took my measurements to see what size I should order and was horrified. Now, as the pic says, I'm not trying to look perfect. I'm never going to be 23 again, but less look like it, but is it too much to ask to not be the bridesmaid that walks down the aisle while every smiles politely at and thinks, "Wow, that's....unfortunate" Sigh. I almost gave up, almost called my sis and told her that I would order something from Omar the tent maker and sit in the corner, almost drove straight to Wendy's and devoured a cheeseburger. For the record, I didn't. Instead I went to gym and ran on the treadmill and then went to my barre class. Yay me! Oh, Shut up.

Since I can't have cheeseburger all I that's left is rocking the outfit my sis picks for me. Maybe I'll send her a link to Omar's.

MBMBC Day 6: It's a Nice Day to Start Again

Hey little sister what have you done?
Hey little sister who's the only one?
I've been away for so long
I've been away for so long
I let you go for so long

It's a nice day to start again
It's a nice day for a white wedding
It's a nice day to start again.

The picture of the clock just so happens to be the one that sits on my nightstand. The 5:49 just so happens to AM. Morning. Manana. Souchou. I don't do mornings. In fact, I believe that am a vampire and not just because it is the trendy thing to be at the moment. When I was a therapist I had to stop scheduling 8:00am appointments because apparently "uh, I need more coffee," is NOT an appropriate empathic response. Yeah, that bad.

The last time I was up at 5:49 in the morning it was only to silence these shrill shrieks that would only stop and let me go back to bed if I provided a clean diaper or a boob. Thank goodness diaper changing and nursing do not require wakefulness and can be accomplished quite nicely in one's sleep.  I hate to think what would have happened to my children otherwise.

But this morning I got out of bed at oh-dark-thirty and hit a 6:00am bootcamp class. Yeah, it sucked. The donut shop right next door mocked me the entire time. Thanks for that, Universe.

Billy Idol is right, "it's a nice day to start again." But does it have to start so freaking early??

MBMBC Day 5: Wedding Bell Blues

"But kisses and love won't carry me till you marry me, Bill
...I got the wedding bell blues"

Kisses and love won't carry me, but maybe epsom salt and ben-gay will! Ouch!

Rest is an important part of any fitness program, right? Right????...Now I  feel guilty! I've got something really cool planned for tomorrow though!

Welcome to My Bridesmaid Bootcamp!

The term "bridesmaid bootcamp" came during a exercise class I've been taking this summer. Three of us are upcoming bridesmaid in our siblings wedding and our stressing on how we are going to look in our dresses. During one class I joked that the class was "kinda like a bridesmaid bootcamp."

Then a couple of days ago, I was at the gym on the bike. I hate the bike. I hate the bike almost as much as I love cupcakes. huuummmm, maybe if I didn't love cupcakes so much I wouldn't have to get on the bike..... Something to definitely ponder later.

Anyway, to pass the time on the bike I was on Facebook and thought it would be funny to post a pic for my sis and joke about my "bridesmaid bootcamp." She laughed...with me or at me I'm not quite sure...

Then yesterday I had planned a run, but the day got away from me as it is wont to do. I thought, if I run, I can post another pic. Motivated by that, I got into my running shoes, at 8:30 and night, as it was getting dark (uphill both ways) and got my run it. I was surprised at how much motivation I got from posting these pics, just after two day and as not to annoy people on Facebook, created this blog.

Now, I have to say, that I know my sister really doesn't care what I look like or what size I am, and I am so honored and happy she asked me to be in her wedding. I really wasn't expecting it. I've never been a bridesmaid before and am so excited to do this with her, but coming off a six month foot injury where I couldn't exercise really took a toll house cookie on my body. I need to get back into shape. The wedding and this blog are great motivators. Hey, whatever works, right?

Below are the pics and posts of MBMBC so far!

July 14, 2012
Bridesmaid Bootcamp Day 4
"Goin' (RUNNING) to the chapel and we're gonna get married"
Bridal Bootcamp Day 4. It was almost 8:30 and getting dark but I was lacing up my sneakers to get my run in! BOOM!

July 13, 2012
Bridesmaid Bootcamp Day 3
"It's a beautiful night/we're looking for something dumb to do/hey baby I think I wanna marry you!" Bridesmaid Bootcamp (we'll call it day 3) -me on the bike. I hate the bike but I love my baby sis!