It feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun
It's all right
When I was working as a therapist, I dealt with a lot of clients who were dealing with major depression. One of the “homework assignments” I would give them would be to go out the their back porch and stand in the sun. They didn’t even have to get out of their stinky sweats to do it. Just stand in the sun. There is some evidence that sunlight effects serotonin levels and just the act of setting a goal and completing it can give one a sense of accomplishment. I don’t do therapy anymore, but sometimes I go back to the things I used to tell my clients and think, ‘[therapist] heal thyself’
I haven’t felt well this week. It is a common ride in this amusement park that is my life: I start out strong, exercising and calorie counting and then: WHAM! I’ve over done it and feel sick and tired…again. In the past I would get angry with myself, call myself a fat ass loser (“I can show a movie on your ass, Fatso”) and park myself on the couch with a cheeseburger and my besties, Benson and Stabler. I know I crater, I know why (jacked up adrenal glands, not laziness or stupidity) but it still makes me feel less than and I have a lot of shame about it and a lot of…”if you weren’t such a loser you could do it. Look at HER she’s running a marathon AGAIN this week. You suck.” Well, this week I decided to tell that voice to STFU and I decided to be kind and do a sunlight meditation which consisted of 20 minutes of me and my dogs in the back yard, listening to an awesome healing chant, letting the sun wash me clean. Not quite the 3 mile run I had in mind, but it will have to do and I say..it's all right.